


Ain’t the one who you’re looking for, love

by Cancer



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, I am sorry for this, M/M, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS HAPPY ENDING IN THIS WORLD WHEN IT COMES TO TV SHOWS, from season seven i think, probably, spoiler - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-25
Updated: 2017-01-25
Packaged: 2018-09-19 19:36:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9457565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cancer/pseuds/Cancer
Summary: But Mickey is not sure if he even knows how to move on





	

**Author's Note:**

> Fair warning, my writing style is a mess. Also, shame on me, but I am not watching this show for several reasons, but mostly because it fucks up my mental issues and such, but I am so fucking lost with this two I just skip a lot of shit to see what's going on with them and ask my sister for spoilers.   
> SO. If you, like me, haven't watched season seven, I guess don't read this if you don't like spoilers?   
> I apologize for any OoC and so. I also apologize to the fandom, because I'm trash, but I honestly had to do this.   
> I appreciate any feedback, even if you just want to confirm that I am, in fact, trash.   
> I'm not gonna tell you to have a nice day, because of reasons. 400 words of my suffering, that's all this is.   
> [better kill me and we could save a shit ton of complaining from my part with this damn show i don't know what is life when it comes to Mickey, honestly, and i hate Ian sometimes, I'm sorry]

He crosses the border without looking back, a dead taste in his mouth and that heavy, black ache behind his eyes that he feels every time he turns his back to Ian.

Because Ian has his shit together; a fucking job, a fucking family that’s always looking out for him. Because Ian has his fucking shit together and a fucking boyfriend, and Mickey is something he never needed but gave the luxury to have when it was convenient.

And Mickey doesn’t know how.

Mickey doesn’t know how to move on without destroying everything around him.

He didn’t know how to find Ian without beating him up.   
He didn’t know how to tell him to stay when he took off.   
He didn’t know how to tell him sorry when the baby came along.   
He didn’t know how to come out without getting killed by his father.   
He doesn’t know how to kiss Ian without feeling like he’s dying, asphyxiating, running high, making it look like it’s not everything he’s always wanted.

Because Mickey doesn’t have a thing. Because Mickey doesn’t know but there is not a thing, not a single one he wouldn’t do for this fucker.   
Because Mickey doesn’t know how to fall in love without destroying everything.   
He doesn’t know but he’s the one who’s always been stopping.

So he leaves and this time doesn’t look back.

And he can’t count how many times he has been something he never thought he was, not anymore, so he cries.

He’s wearing heels and a fucking wig, and his make-up gets ruined but he cries because this is what he is now. This person he doesn’t recognize is all there is when there’s no Ian.

He doesn’t look back because Ian has his shit together, a family that loves him, a job he worked hard for, and a boyfriend that wasn’t there when there were pieces to pick back up, take care and make sense of; and Mickey doesn’t know.

He doesn’t know how to be anymore. He doesn’t know if he can move on. He doesn’t know if it’s worth it.

When he drives across the border he pulls over and cries. Turns his back and tells himself he can’t keep on chasing ghosts. He can’t keep on asking how many more times. He can’t keep on hoping for something for what he never had any rights. He can’t keep on feeling like he’s going to cry, he’s not a fag.

Now he goes but he doesn’t have his shit together, and he’s not sure if he ever learned how to move on, but he’s tired of staying.   



End file.
